Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
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it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
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I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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