It's Friday. Sex?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
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I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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