areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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