Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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