What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
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pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
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Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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