I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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