Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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