she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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