he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My ass is underappreciated
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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