She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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