I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
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