I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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