The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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