probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize