Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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