I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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