i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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