that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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