Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
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As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
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What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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