VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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