Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
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Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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