SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
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Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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