my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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