I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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