too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
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And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
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Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
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