Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
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My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
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I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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