I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
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You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
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I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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