I showed him my bush... on skype.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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