he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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