I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
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I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
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Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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