How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
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I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
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I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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