i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
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He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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