I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize