Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
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Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
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I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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