I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
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I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
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Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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