Banned from zoo.
Again?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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