HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
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BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
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But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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