I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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