OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
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Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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