I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize