I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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