Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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