for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just want to make out with him forever
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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