i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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