if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
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I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
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Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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