Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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