The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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