can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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