there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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