i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
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I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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